Needed to get extra ripped in order to write this post. It’s gonna have a lot of details about my delusions, recounting a confusing and sensitive time for me, so not very humorous probs.
I know why it happened, but I as I’m learning about (me probably having) Bipolar Disorder, // I go to the Psychiatrist in 1 hour!! // I can cognitively understand my brain is fucking up in the moment and it doesn’t make the situation any better.
That’s why it’s a disorder, because you can’t function with it. Drinking alcohol everyday // for the sake of discussion // isn’t a problem until you cause crashes, abuse relationships, lose your job…
I know that not-sleeping a single minute of Thursday night caused this. I know that taking Depakote for only 3 days prior caused this. I know staying awake all night in a trance thinking writing chatting caused this.
So, the Friday in question. I sign my name downtown at the admin building like everyday, but something feels suspiciously off. Today was special as they ask (tell) me to wait in the chair for interogator man to do business stuff things.
I feel exactly like I’m in the Truman Show on a TV film set.
Also Black Mirror S3E2 Playtest and I’m inside of the video game but without any visual hallucinations.
And it’s (god) that caused this whatever divine intervention in my life. Like the man sitting beside me in the waiting lobby is there intentionally. He’s speaking to that other man and that conversation has a moral lesson for me. The lady that comes by has always known there was a grand plan for me.
Straight up delusional. I try to describe it as a divine social paranoia intervention. I was simply high on bowls of weed, no sleep, and whatever medication imbalance at the time. I certainly wasn’t INTOXICATED.
And it felt so real. I’m a chemistry teacher, okay?, that enjoys explaining the entire universe down to the molecular level to people in “popular science” terms.
I hate astrology passionately.
In Korea/Japan some people allege that blood type affects personality type which historically was a cute way for Japanese medicians to encourage the general population to take immunizations voluntarily.
I was raised suburban christian Texasbut PLEASE, I have rid myself of those sinful ways and committed fully to the materialist marxist secularism long ago.
The office door beside me was intentional. (Am I supposed to be listening to their conversation?) I bet it was my old high school teacher behind this // long story but made sense trust me //.
I’m expecting there to be some kind of grand reveal right behind the door, that my friends and co-workers had been colluding this whole time, and actually I’m teacher of the year being offered the director of teaching-philosophy for the whole district.
And of course it never happened because I’m actually crazy. So I get back in my car anxious and angry but imbued with the power and destiny of doing (god)’s work.
Load on the cool indie FM radio station and it’s some gospel praise songs that are definitely singing exactly to me.
Missed my psychiatrist appointment during this episode of sitting in the waiting room for 45 minutes.
But somehow the absence of a grand reveal gave me comfort to continue my day. That I know what I should do and I’m ready for whatever situation I’m put into. Doing (god)’s work is just me being the best me everywhere and influencing the world in the most me way possible.
In League of Legends there’s a statistic category called scoobididoo that’s about how much your character influences the game on the land in space all around during the game. More influence on the game is a trait of better players.
So hiding at home without communicating to others in the world is me wasting my me.
That is why it is so important for students to go to class and bring their wonderfully unique experience to everyone around and NEVER SKIP MY GODDAMN CLASSss