If I had a salary 9-5 that I’m obligated to attend everyday, I’d probably have lost my shit by now more than I already have. It’s been 2.5 weeks off of work now. I’m finally calming down to near-human levels. No more space cadet
Sad by Joan Stark
.-""""""-. .' '. / O O \ : ` : | | sad : .------. : \ ' ' / '. .' jgs '-......-'
It does make me feel kinda empty to run out of manic juice. In the moment, through those toughest times, writing was POURING OUT of me as fast as possible. Now I’m just stuck with me old me.
To get creative now I have to get in the zone “I’m going to start writing”. Workflow. Rip the bong. Remember tough times. Dig deep and remember Why.
Can I pay someone else to write a book for me. Capitalism has stolen joy from us. We can’t be a writer because we don’t have a book authored already.
The joy is–writing and creating culture as a mysterious organism on some mysterious molten rock with mysterious north and south magnetic polar fields.
School beat us down K-12 that work is bad and bad is something I’m never going to do. We spend our adulthoods Wishing that we could have (Played piano, Painted pictures, Played plays) but hard work is stress and bad is what I’m not going to do.
Thanks for giving me company, blog. It’s now after 7AM and the sun is starting to rise. This post is about my sleep schedule. It’s fucked you see? But we don’t compare ourselves to society’s normal, we use the Growth-Mindset never forget it.
Yesterday I made it through the sunlight hours without falling asleep! I’m quite proud of myself since Depakote has thrown me out of wack. I can’t remember all of my sleep, it was a struggle and a lull through most of the day but I was def productive and getting things done.
In-patient therapy would have gotten my body to this point of balance.. 2 weeks ago. But getting out of jail, getting lawyers, discovering the meaning of the universe, intervening in my nuclear family’s personal affairs improperly, there was too much to do to just sit in a hospital and feel better about myself.
I can’t sleep obv.
I need sunlight, exercise (I’ve been moving shit), lazy lettuce, jazz cabbage. I need Texas to legalize medical.
Kid Cudi is boring.