In-and-Out Patient

I give, I give, I give, I don’t know when to cut that cord. I think for me, like mentally, that’s like what I battle with within.


Bipolar Disorder, Major Depression Disorder, Anxiety, Panic Attacks, PTSD, OCD symptoms.

I was hiding from myself with ounces of weed. But marijuana was causing me a bit of psychosis that I couldn’t get out of. Yes, “weed is healthier than other drugs”, and it is absolutely addictive if you let it.

I had to go in-patient in order to get myself back. Sure, I was high-functioning. I paid all my bills and never hurt anyone.

But I was just a waste of my own possibilities

My psychiatrist in-patient immediately dropped my Depakote and Effexor. Along with dropping my ounce-a-week weed habit, my head was blowing up like popping a bubble for the first days.

After the detox-Accute Stabilization (5 days), one single dose of Lamictal at night made me feel sssssssssssoooooooooooooooo much better the next day.

People who are scared of pharmaceuticals aren’t aware of how much it can save someone’s life.

There are so many shitty psychiatrists out there who throw medicine around, no doubt, at the expense of our fragile brains.

We are lab rats that are either 1) sincerely practiced on or 2) a profit-generating cash cow, which these MDs take advantage of just like a dope dealer on the street.

Being over-empathetic got me to this place of misery. I thought that if I didn’t fix the whole world, I was a failure and should feel bad.

Normative morality from activist movements is partly to blame. Back when I first learned about the U.S. wars in the middle east, I was so angry that I was telling strangers in public, “IF YOU AREN’T STOPPING THE WAR, YOU ARE SUPPORTING IT!”

iraq-veterans-against-the-war-marching-with-sign-anti-war-protest-BJE766
My Heroes

Which isn’t untrue. But everyone still suffers and has to operate under capitalism. I was blaming the victim, as the victim. People have their own shit to deal with and it is only a privileged few who can use their time to try and change society.

So it’s time to be selfish.

Joey Bada$$ says, you can’t change the world unless you change yourself. I always thought that was some liberal bullshit until the chickens came home to roost. Now I finally get it.

We must be healthy first, no matter what, before we can help others.

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